Education Guide

Another day I was trying to read a book while Gabriel and I crossed the border between our home and his school. It was not easy to contain the agony to hear him weeping, helplessly, for the first day that new and unfamiliar environment. Now, he is fully adapted to this world expanded, which is gradually unfolding.

One detail caught my attention since day one: he did not want to say anything of what he had done or seen when he left school when I was there or at home. The only comments she made were “Mom was in the chair,” “Gabriel thought Mom,” “Mom sitting there.”

According to psychoanalyst Silvana Rabello, clinical specialist in child, Gabriel was too busy mentally preparing the separation of mother and submission to that new reality and had no head in order to talk about it.

The analyst explained that for a child so small, like Gabriel, one year and nine months, it is often more difficult to live submission to the novelty of that separation. “The mother and the child decides not only has to provide separation from the mother, as it has to provide her submission on the decision of the adult. This submission may be more traumatic than the actual separation. For man, everything that happens outside of your calculation, your control is very painful. ”

To give an idea of ​​the complexity of the mental effort required, Silvana Rabello compared the situation of children with adults wear to deal with parents and their expectations. “The psychic elaboration of this separation is a laborious task for us all. Adults already well advanced, we find ourselves in this difficult task of knowing what we do with mother, father. How do you say no, as it does something different from what they want, how to take care of life in a way so radically away from them … This is a complex task, “he said.

For the psychoanalyst, it is easy to understand if we think that adults need, often sleepless nights of a novelty to fit into your routine. “The child has to not only organize it symbolically the mother how to organize the discomfort of it being subjected to a situation which has no control. Start working in this tiny! She can not enjoy it, tell her adventures. ”

Silvana Rabello explained that experience in this age group are still very poor and are more restricted to people caring for the child. Actually, Gabriel does not speak of classmates, like, really, it is the teacher.

The psychoanalyst does not believe that the challenges of adaptation are a matter of age, despite the differences in the degree of perception and mental development at each stage of life. “For various psychological conditions, there are different ways for children to live this time she will be away from parents. They are different levels of development. I would not say which is better or worse, “he said.

According to her, a baby of four months left in a nursery has no level of conscious elaboration by the word, so it will capture what happens by frenquência of those around them, the quality of care they receive and the way the family introduces the separation. A two year old already has a linguistic repertoire that allows an informed understanding of the situation. It is capable of thinking “I will stay away from my mother.” With a greater ownership, perhaps even making a slightly more experienced.

“Not that the young child unless she thinks less on what is happening, she ends up having a more experiential experience of what happens. With two or three years, she knows she goes to school, that will change the routine, going to a place that does not know. And she wonders how is it and why it will, if it is because a brother was born … She thinks a bit and realize their anxieties and fears in their thoughts a little more organized, “he said.

In assessing the child psychologist, ripening offers more sophisticated features to make your child’s elaborations. “I think people are driven toward the word, thought and organized, no doubt, is a gain, is a way of appropriating the situation, it is a way to have a little more control even if it is fictional mental” .

Without these resources, a child who has no ability to think so much more organized is subjected to what she is living, and more at the mercy of sensitive adult. She will not say “I do not want to go because you do not want to be with me.” Thus it will be waiting for the mother notices her anguish. So the adults around them must be very attentive to the signs: if the child cries a lot, for example, may need more care in this passage.

The psychoanalyst does not understand the resistance of the child as a bad sign, because the higher the child, the greater its power position. “Maybe give a little more of a problem for adults. A baby of four months is less resistance, unless it starts to get sick and cry in the face. I would not worry to the child’s resistance. She has the right to speak, she is entitled to express that you are comfortable with that or not “he said.

Asked about the best option among a nursery and a nanny, a teacher said that “all experiences have a bright side,” but listed a greater number of favorable conditions to leave a person with “high confidence” and unfavorable conditions for forward the baby to a daycare center or nursery. However, it seems to make the school nurse, the requirements are vastly more accurate. “This decision has to be the result of a very high sensitivity of the parents for each child, each context.”

According to her, of course, the smaller the child, the less it is the universe. The challenge for the baby is bigger because it has far less appeal to express their concerns, their fears and their anxieties. And also because it has a small group of people who are part of your life.

“Going to school is much more threatening than for a child who plays the neighbor’s house, which already has a bit more autonomy. If you have a caregiver at home, super reliable and very attentive, very sensitive, I know very well, which does not differ much for family values, has a nice side because so tiny not have to leave home every day, participate in the parental stress. She is a little more tranquilinha. The smaller the child has no appeal to a lot of confusion in life, “he said.

Grieving Mother
The analyst said that small children can not discriminate very well who is anguished, if she or her mother because the two are still mixed in it. It is therefore important that the mother to assess their anxiety about separation. You have to understand if there is a dissatisfaction with the decision to leave the child with school, with a return to work, with the time to put the child in a given situation, with the work you are doing because of lack of possibility of a better one at the moment .

“You have to evaluate where it has angst because something is not very neat. The anguish that our society wants to be silent today at any cost, want to shut the children who do resistance. Grieving is a very important barometer as fever. Something needs to take better care. Sometimes, that better care is a very tricky thing to do, then the person sees no way out for her. ”

For Silvana Rabello, when they are made good experiences with the psychic elaboration of separation between parents and children, is going to school or staying at home all day with someone while they work, one acquires a valuable asset for the rest of life.

“This work makes the child a chance to build to live with it in a way that is not so distressing is important because the issue is not only to separate. Not so: great, good for life, puts the child in a corner and has to learn to separate and over. No, it has to be a construction that each child will have to do. Is your building in the loop with the other. It’s complex! “He said.